Shotgun!!!

“Jesus is my co-pilot” bumper stickers bother me to no end. Religious bumper stickers in general bother me. The idea of needing to advertise one’s religion is absurd and would lead me to believe that the religion is really not that impressive to begin with. If it was such an incredible faith, everyone would know about it already—and everybody would already be a part of it. But the “co-pilot” stickers…those are the worst. They are the epitome of narcissism, the peak of human hubris, and the very core of all that is wrong with organized religion. Ok, maybe not the core, but definitely part of the inner areas--you know, the parts we all have but no one really likes to talk about.

First, to believe that Jesus has chosen you, the driver, to sit with on your journey to the supermarket is ludicrous. There are six billion people on this planet and you feel that the son of God has decided that you need the most help while on the road? What good would He do you anyway? Sure, I bet He finds great parking spots, not to mention the benefit of having Him with you if you are pulled over by a State Trooper (“No officer, I don’t know how fast I was going…maybe my friend here can answer that….Jesus?”), but in all reality He really is not needed in the car. Now once you get to the supermarket, that’s a different story. I mean, water into wine? What a money saver!

Also, there is no way that Jesus is riding shotgun. It’s just not going to happen. He’s the son of God! He’s going to be driving…and He’s going to be driving fast. This would make sense. He would zip by people doing 90 and they would yell out, “Jesus Christ!” and He of course would smile and wink and say, “Ya got that right, buddy.” So no riding shotgun. Not now, not ever.

And what about your car? Don’t you think Jesus would want to be seen in something a little more up to par with being a holy spirit? An ’89 Dodge Neon is just not going to work. He’s got a reputation to think about. For crying out loud, He's the son of God!  And he definitely is not going to drive around in a vehicle with bumper stickers on it—unless it was something truly witty.  No, Jesus would want a convertible.  Yeah, that's right.  Top down, hair flowing magnificently in the wind.  Flashing that "I'm a great deity" charm that He's known for.  That's how He rolls...

So, the JIMCP bumper stickers have got to go. Peel them off, paint over them, or replace them…maybe with a nice “Jesus is the reason for the season” sticker...