Rant #1: The Evil That is Florida Power and Light

So, my nemesis Florida Power and Light has tried to make amends with me in an effort to stop my public chastising of the scam that they perpetuate on a daily basis to the good folks of South Florida. This month, Forever Plundering and Looting (FP&L) returned money to its customers to the tune of $44.46 per 1,000 kilowatt-watt hours consumed. I received a credit in my account (that’s not a typo, I said credit) for $86 and change. My, my, my! A credit from FP&L? Unheard of! The explanation that accompanied my bill came from the president and CEO himself! I felt so special (that’s why I’ve been using exclamation points)! Here’s what the Electricity Czar had to say: “Customers are seeing the benefit not only of lower fuel prices but also our investments in modern, more fuel-efficient power plants.” Really? I’m sorry for my skepticism, but didn’t this same man just threaten the state commission with pulling the funding for the creation of “modern, more fuel-efficient power plants” if they didn’t approve a record increase of over $1.2 billion? An increase to the very consumers he is expecting praise from.


Where did this refund come from any way? Where did Fool People and Lie suddenly come up with enough money to refund millions of people what would amount to a significant amount of money? Well, apparently, Mr. Electrical Wizard (no offense to the real Mr. Wizard who was a genius and all-around swell guy) purchased the fuel that it takes to run a power plant on a several year contract at a time when oil was at an all-time high. This didn’t really matter to him because he just pushed the additional costs on to us (he is so not swell like Mr. Wizard). Remember when it cost $4.50 a gallon at the pump? That’s when this brilliant leader decided to lock in his fuel rates for the next couple of years. But now, fuel costs have dropped (they actually dropped two years ago), and by law he must refund the money to us. How kind. Maybe the good people at Freakin’ Petty and Low ought to do a little more research and discover that maybe they need to purchase fuel in a different fashion, or for shorter contracts, or from a different supplier (Costco?).

Oh, and while you’re at it, FP&L, stop making commercials with our money! You are a monopoly. You have no competition in this region. Why are you advertising on television? That money could be spent on the new “modern, more fuel-efficient power plants” you keep harping on. That way, you wouldn’t have to pull a “spoiled child on the playground” routine when the state commission says no when you ask for a raise in your allowance. Or you could give me another credit on my bill for the money you saved by not creating television commercials. Of course then, Mr. I Have The Power might have to take a pay cut from his $1.23 million salary. That’s right, $1.23 million…and he’s not even close to being the highest paid at that reputable organization. Top key executive salaries are: $3.66 million, $1.84 million, $1.15 million, $1.24 million, and of course, $1.23 million. So forgive my cynicism about the whole $86 refund in my bill this month…a refund of money that I was overcharged…a refund of money that I basically loaned those scam artists to cover their bad investment…a refund of my money that excludes the interest that any other loan would provide…I’ll try not to spend it all in one place.